FOLLOW THE SCIENCE
WITH DOCTOR CORK!
Doctor Cork was described by his fellow students in medical school as “a real corker!”
The reason was simple, he was a true believer in “Science,” and went to great lengths to prove it. He never practiced medicine, he just got a job promoting “Science.” and it paid well!
He came on TV dressed in doctor’s whites, had a stethoscope around his neck and a turquoise mask. He looked like the genuine thing!
The good doctor’s passion was “Global Warming.” He was in favor of anything that could cut down on the terrible problem that would destroy humanity if not addressed immediately!
His idea was not new. Many people before warned about the coming catastrophe, but Dr. Cork was the first to turn it into a TV masquerade.
He proposed that in order to help prevent global warming, corks should be shoved up the butts of all humans to keep gasses “contained!” When he went on TV with the scary story of how human gasses were going to ruin the world, at least half the population went along with his idea. The ones who supported Dr. Cork became known as CORKERS and those who refused were called ANTI-CORKERS! Because not enough people were getting “corked in the butt” to suit the good doctor, he proposed a new law making it mandatory to wear the cork! This created a huge rift between CORKERS and ANTI-CORKERS. He further proposed that huge fines be levied against ANTI-CORKERS and that they needed to be quarantined UNDERGROUND in huge tunnels!
The cork industry blossomed and Dr. Cork got a cut of the action! Cork growers were happy to supply the new need. The price of cork jumped and soon it was traded as a commodity on the commodity exchanges and prices moved up some more!
There were some side effects of course, like bloated stomachs, but Dr. Cork assured everyone that was normal and to take antacids to solve the “inconvenience!” People bought into the idea. Pretty soon Dr. Corker became a partner in the antacid business. He was riding high on the wave!
One day a Cable Newsman named “Lemon-aide” decided that sticking corks up everyone’s butts was not enough and proposed that COWS and other stock needed to be treated the same way to save the world from global warming. Doctor Cork agreed. He added fuel to the fire by suggesting on TV that farmers were really just rural ANTI-CORKERS who were anti-American as well, and promoted the idea that farmers either comply by “corking” their animals or be quarantined! In the towns and cities, there was mass hysteria. “Get those farmers!” yelled the stupes. “Make ‘em pay!”
There was a small problem.
Just WHO was going to CORK the animals?!
One farmer told reporter Lemon-aide he would refuse to do it.
“Why,” the stupid newsman asked.
“Because, I do not want to be kicked,” replied the farmer. “Cows are smarter than people and do not like stuff shoved up their ass!”
To which the newsman had nothing to say and Dr. Cork changed his tune saying that COWS were no longer a problem in the global warming thing!
But people still ran around with corks shoved up their asses.
As one man observed, THERE IS NO FIXING STUPID!
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The above PARODY
written by the Blogger
Harald Hesstvedt Scharnhorst
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